Laws of anime (part 1)

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Over the years, as I was reading fan fiction from fanfiction.net, I stumbled upon Insane Advocate’s and his friends 100 laws of anime. I made a post here a few years ago and decided to bring it back, but in smaller chunks. Also, I’ll talk about some anime memories of mine in the next few days. So, look out for it!  Enjoy the laws of anime again!

“Now for the 100 laws of anime: Taken from Naruto Reincarnate

“The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of “laws” that explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good chuckle.”

#1) Law of Metaphysical Irregularity – The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2) Law of Differential Gravitation – Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4. Some things have been known to “Float” for a few seconds before plummeting to hit the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.

#3) Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics – In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4) Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion – In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

#5) Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion – The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves; Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

#6) Law of Temporal Variability – Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something “cool” or “impressive”. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7) First Law of Temporal Mortality – “Good Guys” and “Bad Guys” both die in one of two ways – either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
Note: Sometimes, Anime heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in “Malletspace” or something…

#8) Second Law of Temporal Mortality – It takes some time for bad guys to die… regardless of physical damage. Even when the “Bad Guys” are killed so quickly they don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9) Law of Dramatic Emphasis – Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).

#10) Law of Dramatic Multiplicity – Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a “Good Guy” kicks the “Bad Guy” in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.

#11) Law of Inherent Combustibility – Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary: Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary: Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as “The Matchstick City”.

#12) Law of Phlogistatic Emission – Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13) Law of Energetic Emission – There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy “bulge”) before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14) Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude – The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.

First Corollary: Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon…

#15) Law of Inexhaustibility – No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and/or unconscious.

#16) Laws of Inverse Accuracy – The accuracy of a “Good Guy” when operating any form of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the “Bad Guys” when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases (Also known as the Storm Trooper Effect).

Example: A “Good Guy” in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of “Bad Guys” firing on a “Good Guy” standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.

First Corollary: The more “Bad Guys” there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.

Second Corollary: Whenever a “Good Guy” is faced with insurmountable odds, the “Bad Guys” line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.

Third Corollary: Whenever a “Good Guy” is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated “Good Guy Area”, usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the “Good Guy” from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.

Fourth Corollary: The more times the “Bad Guy” fires, the fewer times he will hit.

#17) Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability – Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs to get out more.)

#18) Law of Hemoglobin Capacity – the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19) Law of Demonic Consistency – Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. Also, acid has been known to work just as well…

#20) Law of Militaristic Unreliability – Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
First Corollary: Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21) Law of Tactical Unreliability– Tactical geniuses aren’t…

#22) Law of Inconsequential Undetectability – People never notice the little things… like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23) Law of Juvenile Intellectuality – Children are smarter than adults. And almost twice as annoying…

#24) Law of Americanthromorphism – Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny “Bad Guy” or a big stupid “Good Guy”.

First Corollary: The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect).

Second Corollary: The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors (true).

Third Corollary: Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome “Good Guys”.

#25) Law of Mandibular Proportionality – The size of a person’s mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.”

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4 comments on “Laws of anime (part 1)

  1. Reblogged this on FilmmakerJ's Cinema Warehouse and commented:
    [REBLOG]
    These first few dozens laws of the “100 Laws of Anime” are hilarious, and oh so true. I especially like #7 First Law of Temporal Mortality, #10 Law of Dramatic Multiplicity, and #25 Law of Mandibular Proportionality (which is one of the most famous traits of anime in general).

    You must check out this list if you are an anime fan, you will inevitably laugh your ass off. And apparently this list is a transcription of an older list posted on fanfiction.net. Might be something to look into.

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