Laws of anime (part 4)

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Here’s part 4 of the laws of anime from fanfiction.net! Please enjoy!

#76) Law of Aura of Forgetfulness – Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

#77) Law of Cool Hair Factor – The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)

#78) Law of Inverse Coping – Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST capable of dealing with it.

#79) Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability – The Myth that certain martial arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just doesn’t work in real life…

#80) Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics – If a captain of any type of ship is male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole (horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

#81) Law of Shades/Coolness Factor – Shades can make you instantly cool, even if you’re normally a klutz.

#82) Law of Hentai Plot – The proper response to any change in the plotline of a Hentai anime is to start having sex.

#83) Law of Understatement – Anything that is deemed too impossible will become possible.
First Corollary: Any “Bad Guy” stating “T-that’s impossible!” whenever the hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he is wrong and will invariably be toasted.

#84) Law of Dormant Powers – Anytime a hero is somehow out powered and/or outclassed by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could accomplish… but his old teacher did!

#85) Law of Style Coefficient – In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (See Laws #67, 69, and 84)

#86) Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor – Whenever the villain actually succeeds in beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won against the “Good Guy” because they’re EVIL! They usually get so cocky they tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack. Usually this results in:

a) The hero escaping.
b) Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toasted.

#87) Law of Tableware Nonexistence – There IS no spoon.

#88) Law of Goofy Turn-Ons – In Hentai, ordinary pedestrian objects sometimes have the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water, rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects… like bottles of 7-up.

#89) Law of Penile Variance – All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it…

#90) Law of Hentai Female Characteristics – All Hentai women have the following characteristics:

1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

#91) Law of Vaginal Variance – Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8″ and up… completely… despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive vagina.

#92) Law of Hero Identification – All heroes are introduced by way of appearance while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them introducing themselves.

#93) Law of Cute Mascots – Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!

First Corollary: If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, which would be found with a hero of the male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following him around is there because:

1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.

Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:

1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.

#94) Law of The Force – Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as “Dumb Luck”), even though they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

#95) Law of Naughty Tentacles – All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any human female, regardless of age (“She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!…”)

First Corollary: Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is, but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the skin of the tentacle…

Second Corollary: Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).

Third Corollary: Similarly, the resulting… offspring of tentacle/human relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

#96) Law of Cat-Fighting– Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other, sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage begins to occur.

First Corollary: A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the “A-ko/B-ko Thing”)

#97) Law of Healing – Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the “Priss Effect”)

#98) Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics – All ships, either waterborne or spaceborne, has the following crew members:

1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not)

Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
6) Homophobic-ness
7) Emotionless (Uchiha Sasuke would be counted in this position.)

#99) Law of Sparkles – Whenever a character of the main character’s interest appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love. No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At least, Marker Apenname seems to think so…

#100) Law of Anime Events – Much like the WWE (and other forms of Pro Wrestling), anything and everything can happen.

(This was created by Insane Advocate and his two friends, as well as gatherings from various internet sources in order to help others understand the things that happen in anime (and manga). And so, to help others understand anime, after you have read this, if you wish you may copy and paste this to your profile. Thank you.)”

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